Creativity and fame never go hand in hand. 99% of the world's most technically perfect musicians are the most uncreative human beings on the planet. They prefer to be judged by what has been achieved already instead of singing, dancing, cooking, walking, just BEING creative. These people also thrive on accolades, on applause, on being judged by other uncreative people. I agree with Gould's half serious/half joking proposal to "ban applause." I cannot fathom how so many pianists who cite "Glenn Gould" as their foremost idol or inspiration can walk on to a concert stage in front of 2,000 people, play a concerto and then go through the whole charade! Though, on the other hand, I think what irritates me most is the condescending attitude of music snobs who frown at those who clap between movements, or at the "wrong place." Perhaps it is not applause that bothers me, just the bland routine that is assumed at concerts.
In 2008, when I went through this for the last time, in Canada, I remember being so uncomfortable with the standing ovation and me bowing and thanking the audience, and doing it all again. I wanted to create a moment in time, something that would just be felt by me and the audience, instead all that was shattered by a repetitive, mindless, uncreative act of people clapping because that is what they were conditioned to do after a concert. How much nicer would it have been if they had just all done what came naturally to each one of them. Whether that was sitting still, eyes closed, or walking out slowly, or dancing, or just being. I finally walked down the stage, into the audience and just began talking to them - anything to make the ridiculous bowing and clapping stop!
I love playing music in front of other people, as well as alone. It is true that music is at its most valuable, most meaningful if it can be played anywhere, in a house with the windows and doors open, so people on the street can hear it, in a cafe or pub, in a church or school hall - anywhere where there are bound to be human beings. Concert halls are all very well, but I'm more interested in sharing my music and playing with anyone and everyone - going TO the listener rather than expecting someone to turn up especially to hear me play or sing. I enjoyed that concert at the Ottawa Chamberfest (which I spoke about above), because the audience were so incredibly warm - they were my friends by the end of the night and they sang with me, listened intently to Byrd or Brahms as well as to my stories and thoughts (maybe they felt sorry for me, or were too frightened to do anything else!).
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| The day before "my" kind of performance - an intimate, casual lecture, open to all |
But I felt MOST at home in the open museum exhibit space (see photo, above) where I did some lecture-workshops with local piano students on Gould's Steinway the next two days. The space fit 100 people at most, and visitors were absolutely welcome. No restrictions, free admission. They could look at the exhibit, and listen to me play and work with talented young students from all walks of life. They could ask questions, talk to me. Then close their eyes. I felt as though I was playing and speaking to each person, rather than a mass of strangers, for I could see their reactions to the music. I wasn't up on a stage but at ground level - I could make eye contact with every person in the room. I felt as though I was one of them - not better than them or "higher up" than them (which is the feeling I get on stage). I'm not better than anyone - I just happen to be playing the piano! Anyone can play the piano - you need a complete love for music and the determination to overcome hurdles as well as the desire to bare your soul and be truthful. Just as in life. Don't believe me? Well, come and study with me and I will prove it to you.
A pianist is not a God. Mozart was a genius not because he played beautifully but because he understood the importance of being creative, and because he also experienced life like every human being ought to. Bach was not a boring old git who wrote all his music to praise God - he was a romantic man with a beautiful second wife half his age! He lived life - he was human! I'm just another human being on this planet - I want to be remembered as someone who created something, if only for a split second, no matter how small. Music is not about tossing off the 48 Bach Preludes and Fugues in one evening, it is not about mindless repetition and mere technical perfection (though it does involve a commitment to attain a level of technical proficiency). Music is spontaneous. I couldn't care less about what people think of me as a musician or whether they think of me at all - I just want to seek out people from all walks of life so I can play for them, teach them and inspire them in some small way. And I want to touch them from within - in a way that only music can. But for that, it has to be authentic and spontaneous. Everybody has a job to do - when I'm not out earning a living, my job is to make sure that the great, visionary people and musicians and their works are never forgotten - not even by those who would normally never come into contact with them.
I have an idea which might get the music of the great composers to the enormous population of India. More on that soon. Until then, I will always sniff around for pianos in schools, churches, bars, hotels - so I can play and get more people to know and love the music that I do. I love to create from within - that has nothing to do with concerts and performances, the very act of playing music fills me with such bliss that I want to keep on doing it. If there happens to be someone else listening, whether silently or singing, moving, dancing, then together we have been creative without even thinking of anything destructive. Even the act of closing the lid on a piano, or turning a page becomes creative, if it is done wholly and with love. Osho is right when he says that "a man who is after money and power and prestige is a beggar, because he continuously begs. He has nothing to give to the world. Be a giver. Share whatsoever you can!"
I love to share music with other people - from Bach's creativity came Gould's creativity, and were it not for Gould's creativity, the music of Bach would mean nothing to me. I want to bring that blissful feeling I experience when I play Bach to other people - to anyone. I just hope they don't clap when I'm finished!!
